I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER TOLD YOU GUYS ABOUT THE FIRST TIME I BOUGHT CONDOMS
IT WASN’T EVEN FOR SEX OR BALLOON MAKING, IT WAS FOR A PROJECT (We had to fill the condoms with plaster) IN ART CLASS (no, “project” does not equal “sex”, “plaster” does not equal “semen”, and “art class” does not equal “the bedroom/car/bathroom/etc”) AND I WAS A KID.
SO I WAS AT THIS DRUGSTORE AND THEY HAD ALL THE CONDOMS BY THE COUNTER AND I REALLY DIDN’T NEED TO BUY ANYTHING ELSE IN THE STORE SO I JUST CASUALLY WAITED FOR THE PEOPLE IN LINE TO GO AWAY.
ANYWAY, THERE WAS THIS LADY WITH A KID WHO WOULDN’T LEAVE THE COUNTER COZ SHE WAS HAGGLING WITH THE PHARMACIST—SOMETHING ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD THE PRESCRIBED MEDICINE FOR THE KID ETC ETC
AND I HAD TO LEAVE SOON, SO I WAS LIKE, OKAY FUCK IT AND I WALKED UP TO THE COUNTER AND STARTED PICKING OUT CONDOMS.
THE LADY WITH THE KID KEPT GIVING ME THIS REALLY APPALLED LOOK WHILE I STACKED LIKE 12 PACKS OF CONDOMS ON THE COUNTER. (IN MY HEAD I WAS LIKE, “WELL, IF YOU USED THESE THERE WOULD’VE BEEN A 97% CHANCE YOU WOULDN’T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM”)
AND THEN OUT OF NOWHERE THIS OLDER DUDE IN LINE FOR THE OTHER CASHIER MOVES A LITTLE CLOSER TO ME, CHECKS OUT THE PILE, AND STARTS GIVING ME THIS WEIRD FUCKING NOD OF APPROVAL OR SOME SHIT
MEANWHILE THE CASHIER WHO WAS RINGING ME UP WAS AN OLD LADY WHO’S CATHOLIC—I THINK (SHE WAS WEARING A ROSARY BRACELET)—KEPT GIVING ME THE SQUINTY EYES
AND THE TENSION WAS JUST TOO MUCH SO I JUST BLURTED OUT "IT’S FOR A PROJECT OKAY!" AND THEN I RAN OUT AND FORGOT MY CHANGE